Thursday, June 09, 2005

What leads to the obsession some men have?

kgw.com | Man blamed for homicide-suicide couldn't accept breakup. Unfortunately, this kind of murder-suicide is all to common. Even more common is the domestic violence and murders that occur when a woman tries to leave a man. Not all men are like this, but there are far too many.

Moore had known the man, who had a history of domestic violence with another woman, for about three years but dated him for less than a month and called off the relationship earlier this year.
To be obsessed with a relationship that lasted a month, seems completely insane. Yet if it is insanity, there are far too many men suffering from this condition. (20% of Florida's murders are related to domestic violence.)

This blog is littered with accounts of domestic violence. Women beaten and often killed. Occasionally I find a story about a woman who successfully defends herself from her abuser, but these are far to few. I don't understand this phenomenon, and am drawn to it. I write about it to understand it, but understanding eludes me.

Why is it that some men consider their wives or girlfriends to be property to be controlled? It is not love; that is the one thing I am sure of. Love wants the object of affection to be happy. If you are not happy in a relationship with me, then I hope you find the person with whom you can be happy. Love is not about control. So what do these men believe they are doing?

Why is it that some women stay in these relationships. I understand that the first time you get hit, it would be a surprise, and you may not have the financial reserves to leave that day. Six months later you could be out. Of course any man who hits me is either going to get hit or shot, so perhaps I cannot really judge.

Why is it that these women are not prepared to defend themselves? In some cases they are unwilling, and in most cases unprepared. If I had suffered years of abuse, I would be nearly paranoid about my security and defense. I would certainly not live in a state or locale that restricted my access to the means of defense. I know that many are lulled into a false sense of security by the presence of a restraining order, but surely there has been enough news coverage of the failure of such orders to offer any protection that most people could see they are just a piece of paper.

The one thing that is clear is that the courts and the police are nearly powerless to protect people. In this case the courts were not involved. Maybe they should have been, but in so many cases involving domestic violence the courts have done little or nothing to afford protection to the abused spouse.

The abuse and the deaths go on. I don't think I will ever understand this.