Thursday, January 06, 2005

More on being a passive victim of crime

Jim Treacher has nice take on the advice of one Dr. Ian Stephen (that I covered earlier). Dr. Stephen says, "act passively," to take control. This is like telling someone to eat a lot to be thin...
Here's some other good advice to remember, "mates," the next time you want to take control of a housejacking:
  • Hit the intruder's fists, knees, elbows, and feet with your face, ribcage, and genitals. This will subtly wear him down and require him to stop for a glass of water.
  • On a related note, robbery is thirsty work, and a parched burglar is an angry burglar. If all you've got is tap water, you're just asking for trouble. Try to keep a wide selection of beverages on hand at all times, just in case. This will subtly lull your new friend into a false sense of comfort and good cheer, giving you the chance to crawl out of the room for a change of underwear before the smell requires him to punish you further.
  • Refer to the home-invader as "massuh." This will impose a subtle feeling of guilt on the misguided victim of society, causing him to pause briefly for self-reflection in the course of upending your laundry room for hidden jewelry or drugs. In another 30-60 years, he will die of natural causes and cease all criminal activity.
There is more, but go take a look for yourself. (h/t to Watcher of Weasels)

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