Thursday, January 27, 2005

PGH: Michael Moore's Next Film - a filthy lie

Michael Moore's next film is being shot under the working title of "Karl Rove and the Sorcerer's Stone in Halliburton's Chamber of Secrets: How the Order of the Phoenix stole the election with magic." Producers worry that this title is too long and are considering both "Fahrenheit 911 and ½" and "Bowling for Cuyahoga County."

A plot to magically influence the outcome of the election has been rumored by the rumor-mongers desperately searching for a reason for the left's defeat in November. (Any reason that isn't tied to their programs, or their candidate's shortcomings that is, or in fact reflects on them in any way.)

As this reason makes as much sense as any, Michael Moore will next turn his cinematic eye, on "The Order of the Phoenix," a secret organization of high magi who were rumored to be working for Halliburton developing magical attacks for the Department of Defense. The Order (or so the DC rumors have it) has been hijacked by Karl Rove and the Bush wing of the Skull and Bones Society for the purpose of controlling all future elections. This is so obviously the work of that evil mastermind, Karl Rove, who is known to many on the left simply as "The Dark Lord," that Moore will not need to present any proof, but will instead just splice together random statements from some of the parties involved until they say exactly what he wants them to.

allianceThis reporter was unable to confirm additional rumors that Evil Glenn (Instapundo Delenda Est!) is acting as a consultant to the film company. An anonymous, "highly placed source," in the Moore organization, said, "we need some way to stave off these evil attacks if we are going to be able to complete the project, and if anyone knows evil, it is Evil Glenn!" Apparently the crew spent an entire week filming a biography of Teddy Roosevelt without realizing what they had done. An assistant director stated, "We wouldn't shoot a biopic on Teddy. FDR maybe, but not Teddy. And if we did, we wouldn't cast him in a favorable light!" Hollywood insiders shooting a positive biography of an American hero is proof enough for some that evil is afoot.

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